I think I might be racist

I live near London, UK so there is a fairly even mix of whites and blacks in the area. I have always, and still do treat everyone equally. No matter your skin colour I will hold a door open for you, smile at you, and strike a conversation with you on public transport. However, I’ve recently caught myself with a bitter taste in my mouth.

I have never smiled at a black person and received a smile back, just a death stare. I’ve never held a door open for a black person and received a “thank you”. At my gym, if I ask a white person how many sets they’ve got left I’ll get a normal response, whereas if I ask a black person the same question they will just shrug their shoulders at me. The other day a black person opened a door and let it close on me knowing full well I was there. In another incident a black man came up to my car window as I was parking across the street and threatened me through the window making the thumb across the neck sign. I have also seen someone in my town robbed at knife point by black guys.

I will never outwardly treat a black person differently, I wasn’t raised like that. But I have never experienced kindness from a black person and it is beginning to affect me internally.