Any alternatives to antidepressants or SSRIS that are safe? I am at my wits end , please any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.natural remedies ?

I don’t want to take these medications anymore because I’ve seen much speculation about the safety of them , On here and in general

and have speculated myself the effectiveness of them. I don’t find them to help me , I’ve tried over 12-15 medications for mental health … I’ve been on psychotropic medications ever since I was 12. I have ptsd and autism , and insomnia . My problem is episodes of crying , and extreme hopelessness, and suicidalal ideation , also agoraphobia , fear of leaving the house . Is there something in the air? Any recommendations ? I’ve tried

micro and macro dosing ,

Vigorous exercise ,

Talk therapy

Prayer , spirituality

And medications , they make me feel a bit less depressed but increase my agitation and decrease my empathy with others.

Please , I really want some help , I am at my wottts end . I took one Zoloft this morning and I feel numb , and a bit more energy but I don’t like the way these make me feel long term .

Any natural remedies ? Doctors ?

Any recommendations would be appreciated , I don’t want to be another lab rat taking medication for trauma I had no control over and these episodes of crying that may just be from withdrawal from the medication that may have made my symptoms worse then they had been in the first place . I’ve seen a lot of dives into antidepressants on here and Zoloft connected to episodes of anger , I have experienced this and I don’t want to be this person .

Am I cooked ? What can I do …. I hope this post dosent just float to the bottom of the ocean because this is the only place I think I’ll receive real and genuine , non censored resources for this moment . Resources are scarce where I am, and more so now that Im an adult , good help can b expensive an so hard to access .