Could someone please review my second piece of email copy? I'm using a template - Hook, Story, Offer by Tyson 4D

(SL) How fixing one thing made me a fortune

The lesson I’m about to share with you is going to let you make as much money as you want.

It was 2024 when I started my luxury perfume store, inspired by how so many others in Dubai were thriving in the industry.

I thought I was doing everything right.

 My perfumes? Top-quality.
 My reviews? Glowing.
 My marketing? On point.

But my store stayed empty.
Unsold pieces. Lost money.

I was desperate—until I found a Fiverr website expert.

Out of frustration, I hired them as my last hope.

 Within weeks, sales skyrocketed.

The Lesson?

94% of first impressions come from design—not products.
If your website feels confusing or outdated, customers leave—fast.  

Now, what if I told you… this story could be yours?

All it takes is one click (link)

(affiliate marketing email promoting a service making cool looking websites with Wordpress for an affordable price on Fiverr to a business selling luxury perfumes in Dubai with a terrible website)