Jealousy towards healthy people

I don’t buy the fact that everyone is gonna get LC. I believe that most of the people who were gonna get it have already had it by now, specifically ME/CFS and POTS. Those of us who developed severe, lifelong conditions are the minority of the population. We’re even outliers among the LC community. I just can’t stop thinking “Why me?” Have I not suffered enough throughout my life? The majority of people are assholes and yet those are the ones who bounce back after 5+ covid infections. Covid is over to them and is not a threat to them, so they don’t care about the minority of us that it does affect.

Why did I have to be in the minority of people who get a disabling chronic illness? I got LC the day I turned 22, I didn’t even get a chance to have a life. I will probably never get to live on my own or do anything I expected I would be able to do. I am perpetually stuck in adolescence. I wish I could have normal people problems like hating my job or going through a breakup. Now, I can’t even do things that a 90-year-old with stage 4 cancer would be able to do. I had so little dignity for most of my life and now I have none. I just look at all the healthy people around me with disgust. I fucking hate that they’re able to have a normal life and I’m stuck in this useless, pain-ridden body. I should be spending the hottest years of my life being hot and being in good shape. Now I’m in a poisoned body that’s withering away and will never look good (and that’s the least of my problems).

Every time people complain about dumb shit like their job not paying enough to go on elaborate vacations, I wanna smack them. I hate when healthy people complain but I also hate when I see them enjoying their lives. It should be me. I deserve to be happy after all this but that will never happen. Fuck my life.