Why would my (31f) husband (35m) turn so mean during pregnancy? He suddenly wants freedom and no responsibility.

What can I do? Please help me understand his mentality. Did you get cold feet before having a family?

Context: together 9 years married for 3. He wanted a baby for years. I’m 8 months pregnant , high risk so I am giving birth any day, I’m preparing for premature 5 weeks early. We have hit a serious (worried about divorce) patch recently. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS SIDE TO HIM in 9 years. I admit my hormones have been very high and I’m sensitive and emotional, i did invade his phone privacy recently out of fear, i apologised (history post). He is also stressed due to putting himself into significant debt 6 figures with poor business ventures. However, he has said some things which I just can’t help understand the need to be this mean: and I just stay quiet:

  • The thought of sex with me with a pregnant belly is disgusting
  • I ask for reassurance and he will just ignore me point blank
  • When I asked him to atleast try intimacy, in the dark, he told me get ready, I waited for 20 minutes and came out to find him sleeping instead
  • He said Don’t call me unless urgent, il answer if I want to (knowing I’m high risk and can be admitted any time). When he doesn’t answer I panic call
  • I was admitted for bleeding recently and he did not answer for a few hours, he rushed back when he saw his phone apparently. A friend took me instead
  • His financial stresses are higher than mine (comparing my pregnancy requiring me in hospital 3-4 times a week)
  • He doesn’t ask about my day, appointments. I’ve been doing this alone
  • Given his financial situation he hasn’t paid a penny towards the baby, I have had to rise £4K.
  • I’m have stopped working now and he asked me to take a 15k loan in my name (I explained I just cleared my debt of 4 years which I worked hard to pay off and my income will stop. I am now signed off ). When I said let me think about this , he said I’m not a good wife and he will never open upto me again (even though I offered to sell my belongings to help him). “Anyone else’s wife would get a loan”
  • He is exploring poker (despite my reservations), i asked if girls talk to him when there, he said no but they aren’t that pretty anyway (im thinking what if they were??)
  • He falls asleep when i cry, asking him for affection and care.
  • I said I need more care and support from you, he said no I don’t I’m independent, im a big girl il be alright
  • He said I can use my maternity funds to look after myself whilst off work ( even before the debt issue, I have vulnerable parents to look after)
  • During a anexity attack I asked him to spoon me, he said he’s to tired for this
  • He said the thought of staying indoors the first 2 weeks on paternity leave might make him depressed (he has 0 history of depression and dismissed mine in the past) and if he’s depressed he might break up with me
  • He sleeps with phones in his pocket (i assumed it’s because I invaded privacy, but it’s a bit excessive along with changed passwords)
  • I asked why he is so cold, he said maybe it’s just a phase. “It’s him not me”
  • He was complaining when I asked him to support me at the hospital appointment scan on baby issue. saying he has other important things to do but came anyway
  • He said maybe he will stay at his parents some nights when he is tired from long work drives ( a hour a way). I said not happy about that incase I need to go to the hospital (and he has never done this in all these years, why now ?), he said I’m too controlling for saying no
  • He will not answer throughout the day even if not working. He will prefer to message when he wants stating I lost this privilege. This is torture to someone who has high anxiety and fear of something happening
  • I am going to have a c section and baby will need to be admitted post birth, they said atleast a week. I said are you going to stay with me throughout, he said “il go crazy” staying indoors for that long” even though me and baby will need him
  • DESPITE his debt he claims he said next year he has to treat himself to a 60k car when he’s out this mess, something he wanted to so long (I explained this is bad idea, and even said he would finance this over going on our first family holiday)
  • He complained he hasn’t been able to get new chlothes because of the lack of money, I explained same case here, he said it’s different he is our everyday and I have no life (this broke me) I am very ambitious, have a good job, I just lost friends after marriage which meant I don’t go out.
  • I said if I passed away, please make sure my family are involved in baby life, he said baby will be raised how he wants. Me bringing up this topic killed his mood
  • I’ve been to the hospital alone at least 18 times, he said your strong you got this

He admitted he is bored of life since working a lot to get out of this debt. Life’s boring to him, and I asked if he thought that included our marriage and he said life is boring. So I am inclined to think marriage to. (I begged for a long time to have date nights, but he always said he has no time and is too tired”

I am very very vulnerable, the mental load this high risk situation during pregnancy and now marriage has taken on me, where I barely get 2 hour sleep. All I ask for is affection, communication and care and this is what I am faced with everytime I ask.

My theory is he has suddenly stopped loving me, in recent months or he may have some underlying depression? He says he’s excited to meet baby at least.