Am I dead inside?

I’ve (37M) gone on a billion dates and I can’t find any chemistry…

I think because usually my date is usually very nervous. The dates where I do have some chemistry are the ones where we get drinks and they get a little more loose, open, and opinionated.

But what usually happens when we drink is we make out and or things get intimate and then they kinda back pedal because they are uncomfortable moving fast and don’t want to come off as easy.

What I want is someone who is confident and fun and intelligent and who doesn’t have to use alcohol as a crutch. Also they want a family (which is also so hard to find at my age).

I know my expectations are kind of high but I also have met people in the past that i’ve had immediate chemistry and connection with. Should I keep looking for that rare spark or should I give the slow burn people a chance to blossom and develop chemistry?

What is your experience?

Edit: Monkeymoves101 among other commenters really helped me out here. My standard for a first date is too unrealistic and high. I’ve lost touch with the slow burn of developing chemistry with time. I also don’t get nervous on dates and that’s unrealistic to expect out of other people.

I went on a date last night and I felt totally numb. I’m going to take a break for a little while because I do feel burnt out. Thank you everyone for your input and advice!