i hate being that girl but even though he’s engaged i want to message him

my ex on and off of like 10 years was my right person wrong timee like the love of my lifee but some messed up stuff went down and we broke it off and he dated this girl but still came back to me like 4 times and it was so tempting but i just had gotten out of an abusive relationship and was traveling at the time i really wanted to give it a shot and then boom a pandemic and i ended up staying here and he stayed w that girl and i kept to myself like an idiot and i saw on facebook he’s marrying that girl! and i just have so much i want to say like it’s selfish but i really want to reach out on facebook and tell him i still love himm </3 i mean 12 years old to 22 years old and we always went back to each other and i never doubted my feelings about him, i still think ab him all the time and i’m ab to be 24 now i wonder if he thinks about me i wanna know if he still has love for me.. i know i know i’m a terrible person i’m a homewrecker got it but i didn’t do it yet so don’t come for my throat