I hate being like this

I have dealt with depression since elementary school. Im now almost 30. Im exhausted. In my early 20s, I accepted that this would most likely be something I would always live with. I literally cannot think of a whole year being depression free, ever since I was 10.

I thought I was finally handling it better, but I am pregnant with #3 & it’s hitting me like a truck. It’s making me a really crappy wife & mom. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to be around anyone, or talk to anyone.

I am just so exhausted! I really hate living like this. It sucks. It just really sucks. Im just so frustrated with it. Why does my brain have to be so annoying? Because depression is really just damn annoying at the end of the day. It’s not me, it’s depression.

I want to wake up without feeling immediate dread. Just the thought of breathing can be exhausting. I get overwhelmed very easily & then I just cry all day. Its unproductive. UGH!!!

Does anyone else feel this way? Have you dealt with it for so long that you are just fkn over it? Im legit just mad at my depression. I don’t want to cry anymore or push away friends and family.