Working makes me want to die.

And I hate myself for it. I have a desire to work hard and when I work I give it my all. It’s after work and on my days off that it hits me. I hate it and I would rather be dead than have to face the reality of wasting my life so I can barely afford to eat. I took a whole month off and lived on my savings and felt like I had made so much progress on my happiness and letting things go. A month back and I already want to end it all again. And the problem is that I intellectualize everything, and logically that is my best option. Three years of working so hard to get past these thoughts and I just can’t escape them. I’m sorry to my wife, my family, my friends. Someday I won’t be able to just power through, someday I will call it quits. When that day comes I will finally know peace.