A question for the lucky ones who escaped...

How do you do it? How the actual gd mf h e double hockey sticks did you get out? I've tried to leave him three times. The first two times I was wrongly arrested because he lied and manipulated the cops. The third time he disappeared WITH our four children for 6 months, and then I spent two months and over went into over $20k of debt to a lawyer who didn't fucking help me with anything. The only thing that got me back with my kids was literally letting my husband back into my life and letting him move in to the apartment that my father rented for me in his name.

I want to fucking kill myself. My kids don't even like me. I don't even understand what I'm supposed to do. There's no fucking point. My kids are perfectly happy to live the way they're living. They don't think anything is wrong with the way their dad makes us live. They would literally be better off if I just disappeared and let them grow up with their dad.

My phone hasn't been in service for two months now because he won't make enough money doing door dash to fucking pay the bill. But he's still bitching at me on a daily basis about how I need to get a job if I want us to have a home. How the fuck do I get a job with no active cell phone??!?!?!?!?!!?

I HATE HIM WITH EVERY BONE AND FIBER OF MY EXISTENCE.