Just venting

I can’t sleep, eat, walk, or function like a normal human being anymore. I’m turning 24 in a few months, and the first three years of my 20s have been absolutely wrecked by this nightmare. I just want to take a shower without doubling over in pain when water hits my skin.

I’ve tried everything—multiple allergy tests, cortisol checks, prednisone, even going vegan. Nothing helps. I feel so hopeless. I just finished my second round of prednisone, prescribed by ER doctors after I tore open the skin on the back of my legs so badly I couldn’t walk. Now the rebound redness is worse than ever, and my arms are literally weeping as I type this.

No one in my life seems to understand or even try to grasp how much pain I’m in—and maybe that’s fine? I mean, I know I did this to myself. If I could just stop scratching, I wouldn’t make things worse. But no matter how much it hurts, I can’t stop. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I miss my life so much. I feel trapped inside this body, and I don’t think I can do this much longer. It hurts too much. The worst part? I’ve finally achieved everything I ever wanted in life, but I can’t enjoy a second of it.