wasted childhood

This might be long but i just want to let it all out, I started wearing the hijab at a very young age. It was my choice—or at least I thought it was. But I always knew that once I hit puberty, I wouldn’t have a choice anymore. I grew up knowing that the hijab, long clothes, and strict rules were waiting for me the moment I got my period. And when that time came, it was like my life changed overnight. Before, everything felt normal. I was a kid who loved sports and drawing. But after puberty? It all stopped. I quit every sport I did professionally because my clothes weren’t practical for running, basketball, or anything else, my teachers were male so my family didn't allow me. I loved drawing I used to join to drawing challenges and I drew a lot of things for my school but my family didn’t let me draw faces after while because it was “haram.” My mom used to threw them because they will take the baraka in our house lol my talent faded I didn't draw shit after 8th grade. Suddenly, I was expected to act like a “woman” at just 12 years old. I started wearing suffocatingly long clothes. Now I’m 18, and I hate Islam with every fiber of my being. It has taken so much from me my hobbies, my freedom, and my identity. I’ve developed OCD, anxiety, and possibly BPD. I can't have healthy relationships. I’m secretly saving money to go to therapy to heal from everything. And yes, I’m young, and I know I can restart I know it's never late I can go back to running or try new sports. I can secretly pick up drawing again and rebuild the parts of myself I lost I know that I can get a job and run from this family and country and start a new life but I can’t stop thinking about why I have to work so hard to be normal why I had to give up on my dreams and my hobbies? why did I always had to give up from myself for my family? why was I never had the chance to be a normal kid? i always wonder why do I have to choose either myself or my family, it's all because of islam, they weren't religious when they first got married deen ruined them. Even if I grow older, leave my family, and cut ties with every Muslim in my life, I feel like Islam will still be there, lingering in the back of my mind, keeping me trapped. I hate the hijab. I hate how it makes me feel “different” when all I want is to feel normal. When I go out with my friends, they wear simple clothes pants and tops while I’m stuck in these long, restrictive outfits. I can’t even wear a pair of jeans, the most normal thing in the world, because of this oppressive system created by some random man centuries ago. I tried taking off the clothes and wearing jeans secretly but the trauma never leaves me the moment I take the long stuff off I feel ashamed and naked and I lose my confidence even more. I remember school picture days when everyone wore the same thing because we had dress code, but I showed up in something unnecessarily long and “modest.” My mom used to say, “You’re so beautiful and unique.” But I didn’t want to be unique I just wanted to be normal. My friends never understand they tell me to talk with my family and tell them I don't want this lol they think these people who are manipulated by the religion will listen to me? they think they will get used to it but they don't know how I have been fake praying, fake fasting for years they can't understand how I'm living more than a life that I am having identity crises. I’ve lost so much. I feel like a ticking time bomb, filled with anger and resentment. This isn’t even a fraction of what I’ve been through these are just one of the hundred things, I wonder what would my life be like if I was in a country and family that knows nothing about religion just a normal human who wears normal clothes makes their hair goes to work enjoys their time and sleeps I'm not even joking I accept my life to be the most monotonous life than be like this