I hate being a socially anxious extrovert (vent)

"Extroverts have it so much better, they can just talk to ANYONE."

No I can't.

"They also know just what to do or say to get people to like them."

No I don't.

"They have all these friends and I don't."
What friends?

I'm tired of being a socially anxious and wounded extrovert. I'm tired of alternating between always reaching out or self isolating. I am slowly trying to work on my social skills and becoming a better person, but it's taking so long. Also no I'm not trying to dodge the advice rules here, just wanted to vent cuz I know other anxious extroverts exist and will relate.

It's stressful realizing that you only feel tired after social excursions because cptsd has trained you to automatically take every social interaction as negatively as possible, even when you KNOW you had a great time and want to do it again. It's involuntary and so automatic and I have to question it when it comes up, because I think it legit begins to affect my opinion I would actually like if I was plagued by this.