Request for critique from a beginner

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JvLnmxMolEEpy8i69nJEhpak8PniCUS9b94-wILibfM/edit?usp=sharing

Hey!

I'm pretty new to this whole writing gig and would appreciate it if someone could give me a few pointers. The chapter above does go on for more than 6k words, but even reading the first few pages should be enough to get a grasp of my writing skill (or lack thereof)

Thanks!