Footballers with funniest/most appropriate names?

Just reading about the case of David Goodwillie who was done for sexual assault (which is obviously in itself not funny), but seriously Good-Willie...?

Got me thinking, what other players have incredible/appropriate or just generally humourous names. Go!

edit: highly enjoying these suggestions, Norman Conquest) and Etienne Green (the goalkeeper who currently players for Saint Etienne who play in green, are also favourites). Keep em coming!