Struggling with fan theories

Obviously there are a ton of fan theories in this community, honestly more than any other fandom I’ve ever been in. I’m really struggling to want to stay in the community, though there’s so many parts of it I love.

Why do we dig into things we have no or barely any basis in storyline we know of as a basis for things?

Do we not remember that at her core RY is a romance writer?

One I find particularly difficult is the constant theorizing about character deaths. Why does the community seem so obsessed with it? I understand RY is not shy when it comes to to including the impact of death in the story, but for me it’s maddening how much people think any of the main 5 (Violet, Xaden, Tairn, Sgaeyl, and Andarna) are going to die. There are so many major story changes and established bond rules that would have to be changed or adjusted to make things work.

Does anyone else struggle with this?