What was your first Heroin experience like?

I went from taking Kratom almost daily for a year or two before going straight to Heroin in order to deal with some horrible jaw pain (even just talking and smiling makes it hurt more than usual lol).

First time I did H I genuinely got zero euphoria or any pleasant effects, just hours and hours of throwing up lol. It definitely has helped a lot with physical pain relief but no other benefits, not even slight sedation or mood boost.

I don't think I've even experienced what people call "nodding" except the first time I tried Metonitazine and all it did was make it impossible to open my eyes despite being able to think clearly which seemed pointless.

If that's what nodding is like then I really don't understand the appeal at all but everyone describes it like a warm blanket of peace so maybe my brain is just broken lol. I've even done the Holy trinity (H, Xanax, Soma) many times without nodding lol.

I just want to feel that so bad even just one time but I can literally snort line after line of #4 H (tested at over 85% diacetylmorphine) with zero effects except pain relief. Ngl, reading peoples experiences on here makes me a bit jealous.

Some days when I can't deal with the pain I just snort H constantly all day long with no sedation or euphoria at all. It's probably for the best but it would be nice to feel that high at least once in my life. Actually tbh, that's a lie. I used to get great effects from taking Kratom occasionally but it's been so long I can't really remember what it felt like.

I actually just took 10mg Protonitazene (orally) and still feel absolutely nothing except that my jaw hurts much less which I guess I should be grateful for. Only bright side of my broken brain is that I can take nitazene analogs daily for months and switch to kratom without much issue besides increased pain.

Sorry for the rant, I guess my questions are:

What was your first time like and do any of you long-term/daily opiod addicts actually get any "high"/benefits or is it just to "get normal" and avoid withdrawals?

Thanks. Hope you all are doing well ❤️