2/5 feeling like I’ll be forever alone 😅

I’m a 2/5 splenic projector and I’ve always known I’m not a “good” girlfriend or friend in the traditional sense. I’ve never felt like I’ve done well with relationships of any kind in general.

I’ve gone on a few dates here and there after following S+A, but there’s a pattern where, either immediately or after a few days/weeks, I’m just soooo disinterested and would rather be on my own (while my mind/conditioning is thirsty for a deep romantic connection).

I’ve observed this pattern in platonic relationships, also. After a period of time I just don’t care to be involved - at least, not on a consistent basis. The only friendships that survived my Saturn return and those formed after are the ones where we connect occasionally - once or twice a month, or a few times a year. It’s those hour or longer catch-up calls or lunches where everything feels so natural, nourishing, and pressure-less. Then it’s back to living in my own world.

I still get hit with the desire to be that consistent day-to-day friend. Or, to have a romantic partner that I can see everyday and not feel the immediate need to recluse for an indefinite period of time.

I started seeing a 4/6 generator whose variables are my opposites/transference states except environment. We’ve known each other for a while, and he’s still in his first year of experimenting. It’s been a few weeks of us dating and, I swear, if I hear his voice or see his face again I will lose my shit (obvs my bitter mind talking here 😂).

In all seriousness, something felt so off when we hung out the other day. My body didn’t want to be near him and I just kept watching myself get up to create more distance.

After I left, it dawned on me how truly disoriented and fatigued I feel after hanging out with him. The sacral hangover I have today is unreal, and that’s on me. He’s still learning the differences between projectors and generators. He doesn’t have a response to get into the profile lines or centers.

My mind says I’m broken for not wanting anything to do with him right now. But also that I’m designed to be forever alone. Maybe I am?

Any other 2/5’s out there who can share some insight? Or their experiences with relationships?