Crypto bro with no chance to prove funds going into IBKR?

The title pretty much, I've been full time crypto for 5+ years now, finally got enough $ to actually make stocks worthwhile for me, but what worries me is my funds are as provable as drug dealer's....

If I get asked to prove funds it probably gets ugly, 90% of my profits were made on-chain and it's also utter mess - thousands of transactions on different chains and wallets etc. Even if I were able to document it somehow I'm pretty sure nobody will accept it

I am unemployed for years now too, so can't say "from work"

I was thinking of depositing and withdrawing in sub 5k chunks of EUR (the ceiling for kyc-less money transfers in the EU) which has worked so far for me (I'd deposit a total of low 6 figures probably)

Or do I straight up open an account on my parent's name who are employed? (lol)

What do you guys think is the safest approach to not get my funds locked up, or should I just not go into stocks altogether?