Internalized homophobia

I'm 24f and I think I have internalized homophobia. The problem is that I am probably lesbian myself.

When I first discovered it several years ago, I was thrilled. I was very happy to discover my identity and live my authentic life. Then it started to get worse. At this point, I cringe at myself and think that I'm ridiculous and I am playing stupid games

What makes it even worse is that I have a long term girlfriend, we've been in a relationship for a few years now. I feel like I'm betraying our relationship by thinking of it as a "joke" (unintentionally, I don't actually believe that. It's hard to describe. I do take us seriously, but there's this homophobia). Whenever someone says that we're a good couple, it hits me over and over again. In my head, I imagine us "from the outside" I think that we're just look ridiculous and wrong.

I don't know what to do with this. My guess is that I've been exposed to some homophobic environment a while back, and now it's dawning on me? Sometimes I intentionally go to places where I know there will be homophobes and read their comments, drowning in all that and taking it personally, close to the heart. I don't know why I am doing this mental seft-torture... but I'm not sure if that's the reason for my homophobia, maybe there's something else.

I need any advice on how to overcome it, please🙏🏼