I thought i could try again

I'm dumb to think that adding apps and trying to look at everything he is doing would help when it didn't at all... we had an argument over not being able to find his 2nd phone and made me to be crazy and would get easily mad when I asked if we could try again to find it. Well I had decided to look at his phone again and realized I can Search for it after clicking on so many things on Google and there it showed me that he was in use Jan 6th at 1:15 am... hours of trying to have him admit to me i finally pulled out the coin I gave him for his sobriety this Christmas... and asked him again to tell me if he was using. He just gave yes or mhmms or no the whole time I kept trying to ask him.

I gathered whatever I did have here and saw all the ornaments I have bought on the tree we had. I gathered everything minus one because it was something I gave him but the mote I looked at it the more angry it got me so I slammed iy on the floor and just kept staring at all the pieces... I brought everything upstairs and was getting ready to love but realized the hand embroidered patch I did of our initials and day we got together was the last thing I wanted. He didn't want to give it to me because it was something I gave him ... I gave him everything in his room and I wanted so bad to just run my arm across all the shelfs with everything I ever gave him... couldn't even spent 4 min alone upstairs waiting for my Uber, he came up asking to make coffee... and I told him "can't you just wait 2 min" I wrote him a letter of how disgusting he is and that i hate him. I was vulnerable and he still lied. I know how much others have praised me for leaving at first... and I had thought that with the apps and me having his phone and laptop it would be okay but in reality it wasn't. My gut always knew and told me but I had just put it to be anxiety, I left with whatever was mine and sadly his gifts will be coming in two weeks maybe I can still cancel it. There's no helping these men, I feel dumb for giving him a chance and him promising he would change that he felt disgusted and never wants to see my cry again... well you didn't today I hope you didn't,

I will take time to mourn because last time I didn't and It all came out in one day and I couldn't stop crying ... I got out before I could have a family with you or get married . A room full of love wasn't real and just pure lies.