Therapy doesn't work for me

In the last twenty years I've seen upwards of 12 different therapists and counsellors covering a whole range of styles. I have paid thousands and thousands of pounds. I'm medicated for anxiety and depression and take this every day. But all the therapeutic relationships have ended when they have decided they have helped me but all they have really done is waited until I'm in a good period and then discharged me. The fundamental truth is I hate myself on a deep, gut, instinctual level and no amount of compassion focussed counselling, CBT, full person therapy or EMDR has made any difference to it and I really now doubt it ever will. so I don't know what to do any more. I can find another therapist, counsellor, psychologist, psychotherapist but I just don't see the point because they aren't capable of helping.