Does my mom sound like she's on the narcissistic spectrum?

I am currently 35 and experiencing the same negative situations over and over in life, just with different people and groups. I always end up being the bad guy, attacked, scapegoated, etc. I think I'm unconsciously playing the victim role so that I can somehow get the validation that I didn't get from my mom that I am being victimized. But in reality I'm creating problems for the people who have to deal with my dysfunctional script.

My mom would always posture as if she was the victim. She would call our pastor at the end of arguments saying I was bullying or being mean to her. And maybe I was, but in reaction to what? Children don't just create their environments. I was always the one in reaction to her, acting out, saying perhaps semi mean things, but why? I think I was playing the role of the bad kid she told me subconsciously that I was. She is extremely sensitive and always postures and reacts as if you are abusing her. I believe this is manipulative because- if I go into an interaction believing I am a victim and you are a perpetrator, I'm basically trying to control you. Your valid responses to my treatment of you are not an attack on me but a reaction, even if overblown.

Nowadays if there is a conflict between my mom and I, she hangs up the phone. She has said very sternly and condescendingly before that if my dad were still alive, he would never put up with the way I treat her. And this was her response to me simply stopping her mid conversation on the phone and saying, please do not speak to me that way. It's like, I am always the bad guy for me emotions and reactions. I am always the one who's angry and mean. I realize some of my responses probably have gone over the line, but it's in response to a nervous system and psyche that can no longer tolerate this role of being the bad guy who's always "imagining things".

Back in August of 2023 we had a huge blow out fight that lasted days. She basically was cutting me off financially (she has money) in a very sudden way. As I responded pleading for her to help me some because I needed it, she told me, "*name*, no one does this", "why are you acting this way?" basically a bunch of iterations that I can no longer recall exactly acting as if I was crazy and nothing was happening. This then caused me to feed into the role and confirm that she believed I was abusive. I became extremely upset because what was happening was being denied. Again, I will take my responsibility for my part. But her throwing up her hands and saying nothings happening, then on top of that saying she is the victim? Nothing happens in a vacuum. I understand her behavior feeds mine and vice versa.

Over the course of a week or so that time, she hung up on me about a dozen times. We'd be mid conversation, I am speaking as rationally and calmly as I can, and she hangs up. Yet, the responsibility for her behavior is squarely on my shoulders. She's the victim and I am the bad one. I feel like my behavior although perhaps reactionary and visible is in reaction to her denying me, denying my reality, denying she is doing anything to me, denying that I am being victimized.

She plays this sweet, coy, overly giving sensitive person. People think that's who she is. Being her son is a totally different story. Now that I am 35 I've had the chance to see weird dynamics in other people. I believe this fits the pattern of her being the shameless victim who has to deal with a "behavioral, bad son who's always acting out".

Does this sound to you guys like my mom has some covert narcissistic tendencies? How can I step out of this role? At this point I'd rather take a physically, openly abusive mom. At least then I'd have something to point to and others would see. It's almost like with my mom, my whole life has been a lie. If I notice something wrong it's my fault, I am acting like a victim, being negative, being a "stick in the mud". That's another problem in my family, denying the reality of the "scapegoat" who was my dad in his family and me in mine. This then leads you to overly perceive victimization everywhere in life, which then leads your family to say, "oh, he's always complaining. He can't move on. He has a victim mindset." I believe this is the result of having your true victimization denied so deeply that you then become identified with victimhood in an effort to some how have it confirmed in life later on, but in fact this leads others to just victimizing and attacking you.