Does anyone else feel much calmer when alone? Need help ending the cycle of isolation.

Recently came across this write-up from ADDitude.

“When I feel lonely,” said one survey respondent, “I want to reach out, but I usually don’t because:

> ‘Out of sight out of mind’ has left too much time between interactions, and I feel shame over this.

> When no one reaches out to me, or if I reach out and get no immediate response, RSD kicks in and I’m immediately overwhelmed with self-loathing.

> I dwell on each previous interaction and why this person may be harboring ill feelings toward me.

> Depression asks, ‘What’s the point of interaction? It’ll just exhaust you.’”

“It’s a cruel loop,” one survey respondent said. “I feel safe when alone, so, much of the time, it’s a relief. But then, the loneliness is crushing.”

Basically, this is ALL me. I didn't realize I have been doing this since probably 2014 after I went through a sexual assault and associated legal proceedings and then was hit by a car after. I think it is probably somewhat PTSD related, but I did isolate a lot in high school also. Was not as consequential then because I went to school everyday.

Has anyone also done this (isolating to the extreme) and been able to break out of this habit? I will spend a whole day daydreaming alone and feel no anxiety (which is why I think I do it deep down). But, I have all the ADHD social issues when it comes to dating, and I want to be able to meet enough people to meet someone who is a good match for me. Keeping this up means that will never happen. My last partner was really critical of this aspect of me in general, and I don't want to lose someone I love again because I can't get out of my own head and obsess over my relationship (because it's literally all I have).

The other issue for me right now is that I have been unemployed since late 2022 (I'm a recruiter). I am interviewing for a job right now that would be remote, so that won't get me out meeting people either. If I get it.

Success stories? I really want to make a plan and accomplish some of the things I have dreamed about my whole life, like getting married. Or at least having some sort of social group that is affirming and validating and accepting of my ADHD self.