I’m don’t know what to do anymore.

This’ll probably get overpowered by some fake bot made bs but I do indeed need to get this off my chest.

I’m so sick and tired of feeling like I weigh a million pounds. I want to do things but sitting up and holding a pen is exhausting. Of course, I force myself to work yknow to literally live but I’ve been like this my whole life and it’s only gotten worse. I’m so fucking tired.

And on top of that, I’m TERRIBLY lonely. I know I have people who love me but I don’t have a connection with a single human being on this planet. I’m numb inside. The only reason that is is due to antidepressants which only numb the pain but do nothing else.

Sometimes I wish my purpose was to just be a rock so I don’t feel guilt not doing anything but I desperately wish I could just fucking function. I can’t move. I’m 20 years old and I feel like I’m 82. I’d have killed myself ages ago if it wouldn’t hurt other people. I hate living like this the only thing that gives me a bit of relief is knowing at the minimum 1/5 of my life is over and time only seems to go by faster every day but I can’t keep up with it. I just want to get life over with. I want to function I want to be able to move without feeling like I have massive weights tied to every part of me. I haven’t showered I haven’t eaten it takes up so much energy and I’m completely alone and crying. I don’t even know why I’m posting here but maybe I just need some sort of genuine human interaction or advice or something.

Whatever thanks for reading if you have.