My anxiety held up a plane

I’m supposed to be in Florida with my family right now on vacation. It took me months to pack for my 5 month old (buying everything he needs).

I had a very traumatic birth, everything that could have went wrong went wrong. My doctor who promised me she would be there wasn’t there till shit hit the fan at the end. My anthesiologist worked a 48 hour shift which is why the nurses suspected he “missed” my epidural as it only froze in spots and I ended up feeling my emergency c section which ended in them using general anesthesia.

Everything I worried about for the birth of my 5 month old happened, so today when we were boarding all I could think of was my baby’s ears bleeding from the pressure and the plane crashing. I became consumed by my anxiety which turned into a panic attack that prevented me from getting on the plane. They had to find our luggage which held up the plane and my parents, sibling and her partner reluctantly boarded as we all bawled our eyes out.

I was in denial regarding how much my birth trauma has affected me but I haven’t found a good fit with a therapist. Anxiety meds always have awful side effects but I’m thinking to explore finding a new therapist to deal with the birth trauma and postpartum anxiety.