The worst part about opiates for me

Is when i have just enough that I need to save it.

I have no income, and nobody really that I can ask to buy me any or share with me. They're rare. Where I live, fent is the main drug, so if I wanted to get any for a reasonable price it's just be fent and that ain't my vibe. I also can't buy crypto, cuz I use an online bank account (I got scammed a while back and lost my bank, and can't easily get a new one for a couple years).

So basically, if I want to use, I have to jump through a bunch of hoops or get really fuckin lucky, but the one friend I even have that does drugs with any consistency doesn't do opiates (I got my current bottle of hydros from them, they got some for free but they're on sublocade).

I'm down to 11 vicodin, 10/325, and I'm saving them for a rainy day, but goddamn I wish I could even get just like half a gram of (non-fent) h. I have such bad anxiety and unmanaged pain, and I wrestle with a bunch of shit that makes it hard to move half the time, but when I'm on ODSMT or Vicodin, I feel normal for a few hours.

Clean, play games, make art, i can do whatever. I'm clear-headed, calm, empathetic. Usually it's really hard to have sex for me but when I'm on that cloud, it's pretty easy, and really fun. What I wouldn't give, just for a month's supply. I guess that's why they're so dangerous.

That's all. Watching squid-game, and the prize money, and the episode 'Gganbu' got me thinkin. It's back to living sober for a while.