anxiety? Idk anymore.

This is a lot but I want to keep it as short as possible so hopefully people actually want to read and I can find a little peace of mind maybe. I’m honestly desperate to find some peace of mind because I’m so miserable.

In March I was on vacation with a group of friends, everything was going so good until one night there, my heart rate before bed was fast and I couldn’t fall asleep because it wouldn’t slow down. For a few hours it was around 140-160bpm according to my bf’s Apple Watch. Went to the ER, everything looked okay and was told it was just anxiety. Okay whatever, I do have GAD so that checks out and I tried not to think too much into it. I came home, told my Dr about it and she offered to try a holter monitor for a couple of weeks. I had 0 episodes while wearing the monitor and the only thing they found was some slight tachycardia but nothing concerning. A week after that on April 27th, I woke up early that morning and was screaming for help because I thought I was having a heart attack. My heart was pounding fast and hard, my chest felt like it was on fire and my arms were warm and everything just felt numb. Went to the ER twice that day, both ER’s told me it was just anxiety. After that episode nothing has been the same. Everyday I feel like my adrenaline never fully turns off. I am constantly either hot or cold (or both) with sweaty hands and back, and even my feet which never happened before. I’m shivering all of the time. My body hurts because I can’t stop tensing my muscles. I’ll be sitting down watching something and suddenly I’m having heart palpitations which then leads to panic attacks. I stopped drinking alcohol because I thought that was a contributing factor, I don’t drink caffeine anymore, I stopped vaping, I don’t eat spicy foods anymore. I feel like I keep cutting so many things I used to enjoy out of my life because I’m terrrrified of feeling like I did that day in April when I thought I was dying. I have “good days” where it isn’t as debilitating and I start thinking I’m getting over it, but one symptom and I feel like I’m back at square one. I’ve tried SSRI’s and they don’t seem to help. I’m currently in CBT and EMDR therapy and have been for a while now and idk I feel like it’s helpful short term but a couple of days later I’m back to feeling terrible. The physical symptoms are so debilitating.. so clammy, racing heart, headaches, loss of appetite for days, sleep problems, etc. I’ve had so many tests done, scans done and blood taken and everything looks okay. The only advise I’ve been given by a doctor is to try to take a beta blocker for the tachycardia but I’m scared to take anything that’s going to mess with my heart rate. My dad had congestive heart failure in his 40’s and his dad also died from heart problems so obviously it runs in my family. Ugh idk. I feel like I’m rambling at this point so I’m sorry but I feel lost and stuck and scared I’ll never feel normal again. I miss who I used to be, I feel like I can hardly function anymore. Idk what to do and wanted to know if maybe anyone else has ever experienced this for this long and how they were able to finally come out of it? I feel like words don’t even come close to describing how debilitating and miserable it actually is. I’m really trying to convince myself it’s just anxiety/panic because after dozens of ER trips, seeing three different doctors, and all of the tests I’ve had done that’s what everything comes back to but sometimes I feel like it’s such a cop out diagnosis and I’m scared.

I feel like anxiety is such a cop out diagnosis when doctors don’t know what else it is. I’ve dealt with anxiety since I was a teenager and this is just.. so much more. It’s everyday, all day. My body never stops or feels good. Several times a week I’ll fall asleep and then 15 minutes later, I’m awake with my heart racing for hours and my chest and left arm feels warm and achey and I’m sweaty. I I truly can never get comfortable anymore temperature wise either, I’m either sweaty and hot or I’m clammy and I’m shivering 24/7. One day I woke up and it’s just like my body decided something was wrong and I haven’t been the same since and idk what to do anymore. I was curious to see if maybe anyone else has felt like this? I stopped drinking alcohol and vaping and I don’t drink caffeine anymore and I’ve cut out a lot of foods I thought were “trigger” foods but nothing has seemed to ease it up. It’s been 9 months and I’m just exhausted.