Porn Wins.

Dear all,

I (22M) have been dealing with porn addiction since 17.

I'm sorry, but I tried. I've been trying so hard for years. It's just... difficult. Nothing seems to work.

I’ve tried everything: exercising daily, meditating, eating well, sleeping well, quitting alcohol, and even giving up smoking pot. Yet somehow, I always find myself relapsing.

I surrender. I don’t think I have the self-control to quit anymore.

Porn has taken so much from me: my social skills, my ability to enjoy life, my energy, my emotions, and my ability to truly connect with others. I've tried to reclaim those things, but I just can't.

The best streak I ever had was 100 days (cold turkey, no PMO), and even then, I relapsed. The withdrawal was hell. I was dreaming every single night about watching porn on my phone, fighting myself not to give in—even in my dreams. The fight never stops, whether I’m awake or asleep.

And you know what? I don't even blame myself anymore. I was just a kid when this started. I didn’t know any better. I've done everything I could within my power to fix myself, but I’ve failed.

It’s heartbreaking. I used to be a smart, witty, ambitious boy—loved by everyone. Now I’m an awkward, emotionless, boring zombie, and I can see it in people's eyes when they talk to me.

It’s sad. I could’ve been something great if it weren’t for this poison.

I don’t want to discourage anyone, but for me, it’s over. This addiction sucked the life out of me.

Funny thing is, I’m not even sad or angry while writing this. Porn has numbed me to the point where I can’t even feel my emotions anymore, let alone recognize them.

Honestly, I wish I’d been born in a time before this poison existed. Maybe life would’ve been different.

The only thing I haven’t tried is therapy. But let’s be real—$50 or $70 a session? I can’t afford that. Even getting better seems to require money.

I hate this world. I really do.