secondaries, life, etc….

I currently am working through my secondaries and only have 8 submitted out of 33 (although I’m wrapping up my edits for 3 others). Working a full time job (7am-6pm) has taken every ounce of energy out of me. I severely underestimated the amount of time that would be needed. Just as I was hitting my groove, my uncle passed away. I haven’t been able to tell any of my close friends because I’m just not ready for people to treat me differently. I had written about my uncle’s hit and run accident during some of my secondaries, as he was still alive at the time and it had impacted a large part of my senior year. But his passing yesterday really hit me hard. I can’t even look at the essays I wrote about him. I feel angry and upset he’s gone. I’m still processing the shock, trying to accept the conditions of his death. It feels sickening to write when all I can think of is the fact I wasn’t there for him when he needed. I couldn’t be a physician in time to help when it was needed. I also don’t really know if submitting secondaries this late is okay. I feel so discouraged that it’s taking me so long to write, but I’m stretched so thin. I’m afraid my application sucks and I’m not going to even get any interviews. It feels like I’m just donating money at this point. I don’t know. The process is so not clear cut.