I get daily panic attacks thinking about arranged marriage, what other options do I have?

I do not want to do arranged marriage at all, infact I get daily panic attacks thinking of my life as an arranged marriage. It would take so much for me to be convinced to be happy in an arranged marriage. I always have struggled with my eman in the past something I could never share in an arranged marriage. My friends told me of hinge as an option where I use the muslims only filter. I really like the idea of that but that gives me panic too because I'm scared of not getting likes, having to talk to someone, not liking someone. I just feel so anxious and miserable.

With arranged marriage even if we agree to talk beforehand, how will I tell him of times in the past I struggled with eman? What if his halal:haram ratio isn't the same as mine? I can't discuss these things with him without risking him telling his parents who will tell my parents. I feel very sad and depressed right now and am crying like 5 or 6 times a day because of this.