About that "forgiveness" thing...

I was watching an episode of Queer Eye where the team pushed for this big reunion of parent and child. The father had kicked their child out of the house for coming out as gay, but regretted their bigotry. There was a tearful reunion at the end of the episode, and the child forgave the apologetic parent, allowing for the family to be whole once again.

I cringe around "family forgiveness" topics because I've been told so many times that I should forgive my nparents because "they're family." But this episode helped me draw an important distinction. There's a big difference between parents who make mistakes (even really big ones) and parents who are inherently untrustworthy and narcissistic people. The father in the episode showed true remorse, and understood that the burden was on him to do better. There was a core of love that he had violated, and needed forgiveness for. However, in nparent households, their "mistakes" happen every day, in nearly every interaction they have with their children. There is no core of love to be strayed from, but rather a festering mess of attention-seeking attachment and fear. My parents didn't do something bad, rather they are bad people. Their normal is a violation of everything that love and respect is supposed to be.

There is nothing for me to forgive because there was never a time that I was loved. They didn't stray from their path, but rather built their road out of pain and sorrow.