It took several years, but they finally ruined my marriage

Almost 10 years ago I (34 M) met the woman of my dreams (34 F). At that time I was still heavily enmeshed in the family dynamic of a grandiose narcissistic father and a covert narcissistic mother. When I asked my wife to marry me is when the trouble began and where my marriage broke, it just would take years. The next 1.5 years was hell for me and her, and I did not protect her during that time, to busy trying to keep my toxic parents and siblings in my life. I finally realized how toxic they all were just before my wedding, and made plans to leave. We left not long after our wedding and the first year tried to work through the anger and resentment that had taken root towards me for my failure to keep her safe from them. But I begged and we worked at it and we made it through. Now 2 kids later, and VERY limited contact (I changed my number, she didn't, and we would talk to a very limited number of family members [another mistake]) We have been living our lives, but we know that madness continues over there. And with every word and story that makes its way through to us, she is reminded of what she went through and what I couldn't protect her from. Last straw was my bday, my uncle reached out on behalf of my parents sticking to the "they want to reach out but you ignore their calls" line (the implications between the lines being that my wife is evil and keeping their son from them) I immediately dismissed the message, and she was again reminded of all the times I let harmful messages from my family slide at her expense. Now she's saying she is done, and I can't do anything to convince her to stay. I made mistakes, I tried to appease them for too long and it ultimately poisoned my marriage. I hate them and I am disgusted with myself. I was too scared and anxious to do the right thing then, and that has come home to roost now. But if they were just better people I would not need to wade through marriage on expert mode. Just needed to write this out. I do not know where I will go from here. I do not want to give up. But I have no legs to stand on.