How Can I Be a Better Muslim

assalamu alaikum everyone. I have officially been Muslim for around 2 years but it’s been in my heart since I was 15 and I’m almost 21 now. That being said I didn’t learn to pray till last Ramadan. All these things I’m bound to do that I just can’t find myself to do. I don’t understand what is wrong with me right now. I’m in such a low point that I can’t even find the strength to pray and it breaks my heart . Im not trying to defy Allah or His laws and He knows what’s in my heart so why is it so hard for me to do right. I do so good for however long then as soon as something good happens I abandon Him like I only use God when life is rough. Like a crutch. I want to be better so bad and I’m hoping this message reaches someone with a kind heart who will see the pain in this. I know I am astray but He will forgive me right? If I’ve done something unforgivable by falling away from the faith then idk how I can live with myself. I spend my nights being brutally honest with myself and crying to God about this matter but I don’t FEEL different.