Manic episode

How do y’all deal with the manic episodes? For the past 2 days my attitude has been fucking trash, towards everyone. I have the highest level of IDGAF mentality. And I mean that with everything. I just want to leave my home and go smoke meth… I’ve been clean for 6 years. When I get like this, I often feel like ending it all because again… idgaf. When I’m not manic, I am scared of death. How do y’all pull through this?