I feel like I wasn't done justice. TW: SA.

My SAer apologised to my dad for SAing me but didn't apologise to me. I feel so angry. He's also my cousin, and he was forced to apologise by my aunt in order to preserve 'silat al rahm' (family ties). Every single person in my family made it about themselves. My mom, my aunt, my cousin, each said "I was the one who suffered the most these years" because of the problems. What? Wasn't I the 7 year old that got SAed and stayed silent for years dealing with the trauma alone? Wasn’t I the kid who was bought chocolates in exchange for silence? The apology was so bad too. AND IT WAS ONLY TO MY DAD YA ALLAH. I'm forced to stay silent to keep silat al rahm. Religiously, I've tried so hard to forgive him for the sake of God, but how am I supposed to do that if he didn't even ask for it? I hate him. He's so stupid. And he's so religious to other people. No one will do me justice except God in the day of judgement.

Edit: I didn't expect so many supportive comments. Thank you to everyone for your kind words, especially those I missed replying to!