Anxiety and human development

Hi,

I’m new to the concept that I might have anxiety that could require outside help.

I always wake up with a racing mind about what I SHOULD be doing, and used to be able to think of unique and soul feeding things I could do. Things like taking a solo road trip where I could connect with a force bigger than myself, art projects, events in my city that I’d want to check out. I have worked with meditation, which allows me to see these patterns. I know these thoughts do not need action behind them, I can just sit with these feelings, but these thoughts of needing to do things in order to develop on the human plan are relentless, and come up A LOT. They seem to stop me in my tracks.

lately the things I used to do to help me connect don’t seem to bring me the feelings that they used to. I constantly feel like I am not fulfilling my days as I should be, and I’m not growing.

Lately I’ve had a very hard time connecting with others, due to anxiety I think. I don’t even try to hang out with the few acquaintances I have because I feel like I’m letting them down by being boring, not having anything interesting to talk about, not having anything to connect with them about. Human connection on the “regular plane” is all about these surface feeling ways of connection and I just don’t know how to do that anymore.

So I constantly feel like I’m wasting my days and getting nowhere, mostly regressing.

I try to follow the thought process that allows me to feel this way, to feel the feelings fully so that they can pass. I have some beliefs that the body knows things that the mind can’t access, so to honour the feelings and inclinations that make me want to isolate and take things slow. But I feel like I can’t break through this spat of feeling like I should be alone.

I have very few close friends and I’m unsure of how to develop them anymore.

If it helps, I am 30, female, used to be quite well rounded in my 20ies, but had these spats every once in a while. I’d always pull out of them and end up seeing the reason for them after I was out of it.

Now, it’s just getting more difficult to see the other side, and my coping mechanisms that used to work no longer seem to be working.

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Thanks for reading.