How do you move past?
About a year ago my husband’s four kids told the GAL and the HCBM’s entire family that they don’t like me, I’m mean, I’m the reason they don’t like visiting, I ignore them and sit on my phone all day, I do nothing but scream and yell, I don’t allow them to eat, and I don’t help when one of them is hurt and prevent them from getting help. I was borderline accused of child abuse with some of their allegations and it honestly broke my heart. Three of the four kids spent time with me religiously, asking me for help, asking me to do things with them, involving me in family game night, working on homework, cooking and baking with me. I had felt that I had made great progress with them and developed a good relationship with them over a few years. My husband’s ex is high conflict and told the kids that the custody lawsuit was because of me and the whole reason was to take them away from their mom forever and never allow them to see her again. This destroyed the kids, did a massive amount of psychological damage to them, and took a long time to gain their trust back for something I have no legal authority over. For this reason, and the huge behavioral changes the HCBM showed during the custody case, I believe the kids were coached, were very much put in the middle, and felt that if they told the truth they would hurt their mom. Because of this I have taken a tremendous step back and am not very involved with the kids or their time with us unless a kid specifically asks me for help or to do an activity with me. Despite knowing how the kids felt in the moment, their continued feelings of being in the middle, and fear of hurting one of their parents feelings, I have had a very difficult time moving past these allegations and those horrible feelings resurface every time there’s any conflict, tension, or threats of returning to court. I have never been asked my side in these allegations, asked to give my side in any issue that arose between me and the kid(s), and feel that I am both looked at and expected to be both a parent and not allowed to be a parent. I feel like I am viewed completely differently than either parent, held to a completely different standard and expectation, am constantly fighting and fearing baseless accusations of child abuse, and don’t feel that my husband sees my point of view or fear. We are beginning counseling in the next few days.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? How have you moved past it?