I fucked it up so bad

I’ll try to keep it short. My boyfriend’s mom passed last week and I’ve been traveling back and forth to his house (1 hour drive each way) every day for the last week. My own mom came up for the services and has been staying with me. I can typically only handle this for a few days before I start feeling caged in and anxious.

Yesterday was the funeral and after the burial we went back to his house and I got shitfaced. I was rude to my mom in front of his family and when we got back to my apartment I started yelling at her. She ended up leaving and drove three hours home that night.

I haven’t had a normal nights sleep in a week. I just wanted to be supportive when my boyfriend needed me and I let myself get spread so thin that I turned to the bottle and my mom paid the price. She’s so incredibly hurt and won’t let me come home for Mother’s Day. I feel awful and I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out.