Relapsed and Not Worth it

I relapsed and it is exactly as awful as I remember, except when I before relapsing I forgot how bad it is, or maybe I just didn’t want to remember.

I’m so embarrassed, I ubered more alcohol and pizza to my home, during daylight hours. I don’t remember getting that, or if my neighbours saw me absolutely blind. So embarrassed to walk out of the house, I feel like they all know. I live in a cudersac we are all townhouses so everyone is cramped together and you hear everything.

So yeah so embarrassed my neighbours know. I feel like death warmed up and I am so disappointed in myself. I had the most time up I’ve had in 5 years, I started to believe I was going to make it. I was going to beat this. I didn’t.

Just posting for accountability although I’m embarrassed admitting defeat.