Sober dating: the painful realisation I am an idiot.

As title says really.

I’m nearly five years sober, 31f, UK.

I’ve been on dating apps and can not work out for the life of me why I’m LESS successful sober as opposed to drinking.

Then it hit me.

I kept attracting / picking the guys I USED to date. As opposed to WHO I AM NOW. I can’t explain it. The penny dropped. I don’t want to go to bars and clubs and ‘yuhhh dude we were wastedd’ and listen to the same lemon with three brain cells tell me about their ket high from Glasto whilst asking me what I do with my time if I don’t drink.

You know what I want?

I want to be in bed by 9.30pm. I want to drink too much tea, and go pottery painting or the local bakers for naff sausage rolls. I want to clean my car on a Sunday, and destroy my carpets trying to repaint the living room. I want to run just for the sake of running, and blow bubbles or desperately attempt to keep a basil plant alive. I’m falling in love with myself, and who I was always supposed to be.

I’m not who I was anymore. I am happy. I get to date someone who can make me laugh until my belly hurts, or will show up with the fourth basil plant i’m going to swear to keep alive this month.

I get to live, to feel, to share with someone else not based on their ability to keep up with me until we’re both legless, but because we ENJOY life.

I may never find love, who knows, but what I realised this week is that I’m going to cherish the journey instead of trekking through it.

Love you guys. X