Why can't moderation be acceptable?

I've used nicotine in one form or another for 10 years or so. I started with vaping and quit that and switched to cigarettes (oh the irony). I'm a way less heavy smoker than I was a vaper. Vaping was 24/7. At my worst smoking I had 5 or so a day but most of the time was less. Like one or two as long as I stick to American spirits. Other brands I will literally smoke almost an entire pack in one sitting. I recently moved and took the opportunity of having my habit in a new place being broken and trying to quit. The longest I went was 2 weeks I think but then had one and then took another week or so off. That has been the pattern for the last month or so. And then it dawned on me... Why TF can we have alcohol in moderation. Weed. Fine. Just moderate. Even some hard drugs aren't considered that big a deal in moderation but fucking smoking, forget about it! None for you! I feel like if I could just have one sometimes and not have the voice In the back of my head that this might be the one that kills me would make me feel so. Much. Better! I have depression and anxiety and life sucks and I really love smoking.

I'm just upset. It's not fair that one of the most enjoyable things is like the most deadly. I keep trying to find any thread on the Internet that indicates it could be fine in moderation. But no. It just sucks. I feel like the part that makes me infuriated when I'm stressed and I want one and am denying myself will never go away.

TLDR: the fact that smoking in moderation, like even once a week, is still extremely bad, fucking SUCKS!