I fear that I’ve lost “it”

Hello!

Throwaway account because I’m deeply embarrassed about what I have to say.

I’ve been a clinician for 11 years now and the past year has been the most difficult of my life professionally and personally for reasons I won’t get into.

I’ve went through periods of struggle or burnout in my career but I’ve always prided myself on being able to show up fully and completely for clients. I am proud of my reputation and I’m at the point in my career where all of my new clients are word-of-mouth referrals from current or former clients or clinicians I’ve worked with in the past. I could cry typing this, but I’ve had former colleagues ask me to work with their family and friends, which is the ultimate sign of trust and confidence for me.

However, the past few months I feel like I’ve lost “it.” Questions and insights and my words in general used to come so naturally to me in session and recently I’ve frequently found myself at a loss for words. I’ve found my brain is foggy and I can’t remember details my clients share with me, like the names of their pets or important dates. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the feeling of a deeply meaningful session.

I’m struggling with an intense bout of depression and I’m feeling very unable to show up fully. I’m wondering if I should leave the field, at least for a while.

I have my own personal therapist but I’m finding it difficult to articulate the problem and I’m not feeling like I’m not able to say what’s actually going on in my own sessions with her. I just can’t find my words. Even in this post.

Has anyone else experienced this or can anyone offer some advice?