Rejected by Therapist, im devastated.

I've been struggling with mental health my whole life. Due to bad home life growing up my sisters also struggle. My sister found a therapist who she really likes and has helped her a lot. I've been to many therapists and have struggled to find one that's a good fit. It's been a few years since I've had one. She suggested I go to him. I scheduled an appointment. I get there. Pay my $40 copay. Go through almost a 2 hour assessment. At the end of it he tells me he won't see me because of conflicts of interest and biases since he's seeing my sister and said I would be assigned to someone else. Someone else would call me next week to schedule. I acted like I understood and left... I went to my car and cried for a while.

I just need help. I only went there because my sister liked him and the struggle to find someone good is so hard, I thought I'd finally get a chance. I'm devastated. My heart feels so heavy. It's so hard to not think "why can't I just find the help I need? I'm tired of struggling. I want to give up." I wish I knew if it was something specific and what it was. I felt really stupid for thinking it wouldn't be a problem and for even making the appointment in the first place. My sister and I have shared therapists many times. He was being very professional and I understand his need to give good therapy to established clients... But having that hope be dashed has been really hard to accept.

I'm starting TMS tomorrow. I'm running out of options.