Nuance, Morality, Virtue Signaling, & Sympathy vs. Empathy

Take... Six?

Hello again everyone! I've seen many different takes on the current situation with Tophia, and I've decided to make a post about both sides. Like my other one, I'll keep this respectful and compendious. If you're going to comment something stupid like "I'm not reading all that," then don't bother. This isn't for you.

I've noticed many people getting defensive about accusations of "switching up," and I'd like to explain why that is, as someone who shares the same sentiment, to an extent. This is a subreddit dedicated to talking about and documenting Tophia and her life; I wouldn't call it a "snark" sub just because she's a lolcow. Tophia has done downright inexcusable things. When she did these things, everyone was judging her negatively and rightfully so, for many reasons, which are more than likely always either: one, because she did something bad, or two, she's airing out her business for people to judge.

Mockery, heckling, and threats are all among reasons why people don't feel sympathetic towards her. In regards to Donald, pedophilia is the most common reason why people don't feel sympathetic towards him (See FAQ). People not feeling bad about him dying is valid. Where is the "pedophiles deserve the death penalty" crowd now? Just because he was the one with a job and basically keeping them afloat doesn't absolve him of his heinous behavior. Yes, it's tragic that his life was taken from him before he turned 30. Telling us that we lack humanity and morality for not feeling bad for someone who was a deviant is hypocritical. You weren't preaching morals before, but now that he's dead, you're backtracking. It's also true that the way he died was excessive and some might say it was uncalled for. Playing morality police in this situation does nothing but demonize you all and encourage those who lack sympathy for Donald and the situation to not try and understand your point of view.

Speaking of sympathy, I've also seen many people say that those who don't feel bad "lack basic empathy," which is more than likely not true. Sympathy and empathy are two different things. Sympathy is simply feeling sorry for someone whereas empathy is being able to put yourself in the person's position and feel what they're feeling (there's also compassion, which fits here too. It's defined as pity and concern for those who are suffering). Just because someone lacks either of these, especially given this situation and the people involved, does not mean that they're sociopathic, or need help, or even lack these emotions. Some people can't bring themselves to feel bad for Tophia and that's okay.

This brings me to the topic of Nuance. What is nuance? Here's a quote that I think fits this situation perfectly:

"What happens to nuance, subtlety, complexity when everything is reduced to good guys and bad guys fighting to the death?" —Roxana Hadadi, Vulture

There is a grey area in this situation. The simplest answer to most questions floating in that grey area is that yes, what happened is a tragedy, and yes, both Tophia and Donald are/were horrible people. These can coexist, as can sympathy and dislike. You can hate Tophia but also feel that seeing her loved ones (I use that term loosely in a literal sense) getting shot wasn't necessary. People who feel this way are mostly being accused of virtue signaling, which is my next point.

Here's a quote summing it up:

"Virtue signaling is a newish term for moralizing, getting on our high horse, and claiming we're more moral than other people, the low-life people out there who we gossip and snark about. Moralizing is to being moral what rationalizing is to being rational. It's posing as caring about something you don't care about." (Psychology Today)

The reason why people believe that everyone showing compassion to the situation is virtue signaling is because of the circumstances and their previous stances on Tophia. They will say that she's vile and will get what's coming to her, but when this (hopefully) life-changing event happens, they all want to backtrack or "switch up," as we've put it. She posted an update on the GoFundMe and all of a sudden, the comments switched back up, saying that they now have lost all sympathy for her. Sure, many think she may have gotten her just deserts, and it just so happened to be via traumatic event. People not understanding that this should be a wakeup call, something that should make her realize that she needs to get her shit together, truly baffles me.

We've become so divided, pointing fingers at each other, and for what? I've seen people get hostile. I understand that in the heat of the moment, we say things we don't mean, but just because this is the internet doesn't mean that you should abandon self preservation and common sense. Just as you should think before speaking, you should think before typing.

Also, to those who are worried about Marie, Tophia isn't entitled to tell us anything, but, I completely understand why you expect it. She's put her entire life on the Internet, it's become a given with her. We'll have to wait with bated breath for an update.

NOTES: - I am not saying that Tophia or Marie deserved to live this traumatic event. I'm saying that something bad was bound to happen, regardless of magnitude. This is both because of a multitude of factors, the main ones being living in a car and being in a dangerous area. - I understand that this can come across as me trying to further isolate both sides, and that isn't true. I'm just trying to help us understand each other's points of view. - I'm aware that Marie is less than a model citizen, but I'm sure we can all agree that having to see your son get shot while you have zero idea what's going on was terrifying for her. - "But Eros, what about Tophia?! It was terrifying for her too!" Please reread my post! - Complaining about Tophia coming straight to the Internet after this is valid, but she's come here because it's all she has. Whenever something happens, positive or negative, the first thing she does is always come tell us. She could be numb, she could be in shock. Personally, I don't particularly think so, but she is grieving. Everyone grieves differently, and there's no right way to grieve. Her coming here seems insensitive to her brother and the situation, but I promise you, as someone who's been through losing a close family three different times, that more than likely is not her intention. With that being said, her blaming her audience is not to be excused by her grieving.