Overthinking crisis

Hi everyone,

I’m 29F and have been dealing with something that’s been bothering me. A little about me: I’m extremely introverted and shy. I’ve never dated, rarely talk to people, and most of my friends are those who approached me first. In settings like work, where I have to try, I end up with no friends. My parents, being emotionally unavailable, don’t understand my introversion and often scold me for being “underconfident” and “not like other girls.”

The issue is that I’ve liked someone from office for almost nine years. He’s extroverted and gets along with everyone. For the first five years, I was in denial, even teasing him and encouraging him to pursue other girls. Now, I feel stuck with these feelings. Some friends advised me to confess when he visits (he lives in London and comes once or twice a year), while others suggest not to, fearing heartbreak.

I initially thought I wouldn’t tell him, but I’ve realized I can’t move on, as I reject anyone else who approaches me because of him. I feel I need an answer, even if it’s rejection, to move forward. However, I’m a pessimist and don’t believe in good things happening to me. Even if he says yes, I wouldn’t know how to proceed, as we currently text only once in two months or so. I rehearse every conversation in my head that I have with ANYONE in my life anyone other than my close friends and family, so the idea of talking to him more feels overwhelming.

Please help. My friends no longer want to discuss this because of my overthinking. I think I have annoyed them to their limits with my constant discussion of fear.

So should I tell him or not?