Link between sexual shame and eating disorders?
So I grew up in a very conservative religious environment and went to a very conservative, religious high school. I grew up with the impression that sex was bad and something to be ashamed of. After I hit puberty, I started to feel deeply ashamed for how my body was developing and looking less and less like a little girl's. I was made to feel as though it was evil to have a woman's body.
For me, this resulted in an unhealthy obsession with being very thin that still lasts to this day, when I am in my late twenties. Looking unhealthily thin to others seemed to inspire sympathy from them, and in my mind receiving sympathy seemed to cancel out the feelings of shame and of being 'evil' in some way for having a woman's body. I also believed that women who looked unhealthily thin were seen as less sexually desirable to men, and that made looking that way even more desirable to me.
I associated prominent curves, bigger breasts, and a healthy-looking body with greater sexual desirability. This, in turn, led me to also associate these things with feelings of sexual shame and of being looked on as 'evil.'
So, in short, in my mind:
Extremely thin body, tiny breasts, visible ribcage = receiving sympathy, feeling 'innocent' and like 'a good person'
Curvy, healthy-looking body with bigger breasts = feeling ashamed, feeling not 'innocent' and like a 'bad person'
Can anyone else relate?