I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."
A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."
Andy was sent to prison
I was in a taxi today and the driver said, "I love my job. I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."
The cake is a lie
Never play poker against a monarch with diarrhea
My weakest subject at school was Greek Mythology…
What turned you into a cat person?
I love Gen Z
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
What is the weirdest thing about your country's history?
didn’t even realize it was my cake day until i saw the 🍰 icon next to a comment of mine haha
Hedberg Map Points
If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?
Paying Homage
Yeah, can I have a loaf of bread, And some other people!?
NJ Reuben
Hey, You know the guy who invented pants?
I planted some dad jokes and you know what sprouted?
Mitch wrote a letter to his friend using a highlighter pen
First Reddit year!
I got a letter in the mail that I thought said my internet was restored...
it’s my cake day! 🎂
Lemon cake I helped my mom make for my cake day!!
My wife asked me if I would paint her in the nude
